How to Win the Heart of Your Child or Grandchild

So much of our training time with our grandchildren focuses on outward compliance to parental authority. Too much of our Christian training focuses on outward compliance at the expense of inward transformation. Maturity must focus on a make-over of the heart. Impacting children for life, involves reaching the heart. Jesus tells us that foolish thinking, foolish words from a person, originate in the heart (Mark 7:21-23; Matthew 15:16-20). Solomon explained that foolishness is bound to the heart of a child (Proverbs 22:15). How can we communicate God’s truth to our grandchildren (and children) and connect with the essence of their being … their hearts? Here are seven suggestions to consider.

1. Pray for personal parental wisdom (James 1:5)

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”

God delights in bringing parents and grandparents to the end of themselves; He brings them to the place where they do not know what to do with their children. It is then that we lean in on Him, to touch the heart of our child and bring them to repentance (II Timothy 2:24-26). He is the only One who can do that.

Some children challenge authority at every level. When grandpa says white, the grandchild says black. Grandma says up, he says down. Parenting and grandparenting is designed by God to bring us to a crisis at times, where we do not know what to do. We need His wisdom; God’s wisdom.

2. Teach your child that he is loved regardless of what they do.

It is good to remember that when you do not regularly pray, read your Bible, share your faith, minister to your children and grandchildren as you ought, God’s love for you does not change. We can … “grieve” (bring sorrow) Him (Ephesians 4:30) and … “quench” (like putting out a fire) Him (I Thessalonians 5:19) but He never stops loving us. Our children and grandchildren should always get the same message from their parents and grandparents.

3. Be consistent in enforcing the God-given boundaries of discipline.

Unfailing boundaries provide security for a child. They are enforced every day regardless of the feeling of the parent. And by the way … the child must know that mom and dad, grandma and grandpa are together on the boundaries and they are not able to play one parent against the other. They will try! Sending mixed messages from parents and grandparents produces insecurity and discouragement for the child (Colossians 3:21).

4. Respect your child as a person created in the image of God.

• We must break into the insane schedules families have today. Days are packed with booked activity so that there is no margin for the important; there is no margin for the unexpected.  Families need to learn the importance of down time; time when parents and grandparents spend uncompromised interaction with their children
• Be quick to hear and slow to speak Kames says (James 1:19). Sometimes authority in the home does too much talking and not enough listening for the purpose of understanding a child.
• Learn to ask questions to get a sense of your child’s heart. The way you respect them is usually the way they will respect you as an adult.

Be quick to own your own foolishness. Children and grandchildren don’t expect perfection from their parents and grandparents but they do expect honesty.

5. Be affectionate with your child.

When I left home to go away to college, I was angry with my dad. He was always under pressure running two funeral homes as well as a small farm. When I left home, I saw myself as a victim. But in school, I began to see my father as a victim. He was raised by an alcoholic and would later admit, he did not know how to raise four boys. I made a few visits home when pastoring in Southern California and I remember kneeling at his wheelchair and telling him I love him. His face broke out in pain as he grabbed my face, looked me in the eye and said, “there were so many times, I wanted to tell you, I love you, but I just couldn’t!” We collapsed in each other’s arms for several minutes and sobbed.  He lifted a weight off my shoulders; he gave me a cherished memory before he died. It was my father’s last gift to me. Tell your grandchildren you love them and why.

6. Be wild and have fun with your children.

Sometimes grandparents and parents take themselves too seriously and their ministries to their grandchildren not seriously enough. The things you do that are out of character for you will be remembered for a lifetime with your grandchildren.

7. Pray for your child.

We started with prayer. We end with the same. The task of being a grandparent and a parent reaches into resources that are beyond us. We need the work of the Holy Spirit to do the work only He can do in the training of our children and grandchildren. As you pray for yourself; as you pray for them, ask the Lord to help you work in harmony with what He wants to do in the life of your grandchild.

In the good yoke,

Pastor John